Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
