don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
