is your mom at the bar?
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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