Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
