Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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