Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
