He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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