I just pynch a tree in the face
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
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