Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
