Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
