no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Randomize
