in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
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