Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
