you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
