don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
