I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
