the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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