I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize