I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
