Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
