I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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