Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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