Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
false alarm, still single
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