If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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