I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
