There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
