He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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