he puts the penis in happiness.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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