its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
What happened to fro yo and sex?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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