Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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