I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
should my penis look like a turkey
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
this hospital has no fireball
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize