i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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