dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
