i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
