FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
