I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
