you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
