hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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