We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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