So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
