i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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