Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Randomize
