call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
