just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I think people are normalizing furries
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
