Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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