You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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