He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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