You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
