Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
