Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
