im gay
i know
yea but for you.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
