TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
