Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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