Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
