so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
