I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I cockslap morals
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
