i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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