today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize