I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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