Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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