how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
