i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Randomize
