The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
