Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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