so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
