Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
