Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
