I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
