I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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