Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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